Yes, I struggle with depression. Lonesome, my heart feels strangled by a boa constrictor. It sinks at the same time, trying to fall though to my pelvis. The mind’s on a different plane altogether. Here it goes:
“Fall, bludgeon, oblivion. Everything will be meaningless. Even if everything were full of meaning, like the cure to cancer raining from the sky and us shitting the cure to AIDS, I don’t want it. Programming, graphic designing, I say fuck it. I can listen to my heart pump bile through all my vessels. The color green has poisoned me. Nope, not talking about bilirubin. I’m talking of “money money money money” ya “monkey monkey monkey monkey.” Pull a lever here. Push a button there, and none of it will ever make sense. Palahniuk is a babe. Anyway, a normal life, eh? Normal?”
“What’s the point: consumerism? Whose line is it anyway. I’m confused now. Is this me? Is this you? Simply put, heat death is what awaits, if bureaucratic greed doesn’t beat us to the punch or if the planet decides to say “fuck off” to the parasites that humankind really is.”
Reading Bryson is utter crap. Reading Harari is full of boogers. Trying to understand myself is full of shit. Live in the moment, you say? Live for a higher purpose, you say? I say, take this line of code and shove it someone else’s compiler, someone else’s mind that gives a shit to this byte code. I have my reality in place. Stay the fuckity fuck away from it. Sorry that you had to know me. I’m a ten-story building and a bottle of scotch away from going “bye bye” to the social constructs or determinism you call life. I pity you instead.
We were never meant to be this self-aware. Now, don’t give me your imagined realities, ya programmed bots. Just listen to mine, because it’s entertaining as fuck. Now go and toil your ass of for that equated monthly installment that you consider a part of the magical puzzle called life.
I almost chortled.
Wonderful Humans who let me use their artwork for free
Discovering the nuances of life through the lens of fitness in its myriad expressions